As the time passes, I find myself fantisizing about different events that will happen after our baby is born, especially taking him (or her) home. The one thing I keep coming back to as a hurdle I cannot imagine overcoming is the circumcision if the baby is a boy. I am adamantly against it, but Liz is just as adamantly for it. She has a brother who is not circumsized and says that he always had trouble and was made fun of so much as a child. She doesn't want our son to have to deal with the things her brother did.
We both understand that there is no medical reasons for doing it and she concedes that it is purely for how it will look, but she is set on it. I already have tears when we talk about it or I think about it and am not sure I can get past it. I do not want to resent her for this.
How do we get past this? I welcome any and all suggestions and comments.
11 comments:
hi there! I just found your blog from some other random blog. My party and i are on the ttc wave...
anyway, my brother was not circumsized as a child, and was very very much made fun of. He had a couple of girlfriends and was made fun of it so bad that he became really withdrawn and didn't want to even be with a girl after that!
When he was 20 he decided to go ahead and get circumsized.
At first, I thought that if I had a boy, it wouldn't be circumsized, becuase it is purely cosmetic- but after thinking of what my brother went through, it really makes me second guess it...
Steph, this is really a tough one. DP and I initially were not on the same page regarding this. She was definitely against circumcision and I kind of assumed that we would have it done. We talked at length about it but it really wasn't her argument that won me over. I went online and did a ton of research on my own. I read stories of men who were in tact and me who were not and what they felt about it, read stories from nurses who were present at these procedures who were adamant that the baby does NOT sleep through it, and that they are very much in pain, and I watched videos of circumcisions being performed (that was the decider I believe). We will not circumcise if it's a boy. I had a brother too who was not circumcised (my father wasn't either) and my brother had it done later for medical reasons. I know there is alot of pain if they choose to have it done later but c'mon, there is alot of pain for the baby too. I feel at least if I don't have it done, I'm allowing him to make the decision. I just feel that as women, we put our bodies through so much crap (botox, plastic surgery,etc) because of what society views as normal or attractive that we woman need to stop telling our men they look like freaks if they're not circumcised. This part of the body is there for a reason. I've dated uncircumcised men and it did not gross me out. Also I've read alot about sexual pleasure being decreased with circumsicion and I would hate to know that I did anything like that to my son. I think the locker room fears are not all that realistic anymore as more and more people are deciding not to put their boys through this so I think that by the time my son is in a locker room, an uncircumcised penis will not be so rare. I hope you to come to an agreement so that there is no resentment. I don't think anyone is wrong for their opinion, it's a very personal decision. Best of luck to you.
Have a girl! Just kidding. Seriously though, I am not sure what to suggest. Maybe just continue talking about it and make a pro/con list. I know that sounds kinda silly for something so important, but sometimes they really do help!
I watched Ethans circumcision. I had to for my own peace of mind. My dr. anesthetized the area first with a shot. It is my understanding that not all dr.s do it. If you choose to go through with it, request that. Ethan cried at the shot and nothing else. He sucked on some sugar water to soothe him and he really never made a sound after the initial shot. It took about 5 minutes totalfrom shot to having him rediapered.
Thank you all so much for your comments. BerryMom..thanks for sharing your story. I really think I can live with that. Was Ethan in a lot of pain afterwards? did he cry at every diaper change?
The gap between the circmcised and intact is narrowing - 60-40 in most places but as high as 30 circumcised to 70 not in certain places - like the West Coast. His locker room experience will likely be very different from boys in our generation.
Mom of an intact boy.
They asked me not to change his diaper for 3 hours, They put ointment and gauze on it. I was given some ointment to put on it to keep the diaper from sticking to it for a few days. It was red for a few days and then it was normal. He didn't seem to notice it at all. It wasn't like he was crying out in pain. He just slept. During diaper changes, I was careful to clean gently, he really was not bothered by it.
my blog has moved to adventuresofsuperbaby.wordpress.com
Have you guys researched how common it is for current births? I know her brother was made fun of, but I heard that it is becoming more & more common to see intact boys today. ( 50% are not doing it,? or that could have been something else) By the time your baby hits school, half the other boys would be the same as him! No laughing at him then, it will seem average. Good luck, I hope you guys find a happy meeting ground! :) Tara
DP is Jewish so there was never any thoughts to what we were going to do.. Sorry i cant help more :-/
I have no strong feelings on this one for you.
I did just want to say Hey. Hope all is going well!
Andrew had it done. It was quick and he didn't even wake up for it. He never had any discomfort (that we could tell) afterwards.
We also made the decision for cosmetic reasons. I had a good friend who was very upset about the fact that he wasn't, including experiences in school and with girls in college.
I will not tell you which way to go, but there is tons of research going both ways.
It's a big decision for your little boy and unfortunately, there's no "middle ground."
I hope you both come to an agreement that you are both comfortable with.
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