As you all know, I was th one who was supposed to be pregnant, but it didn't work out that way. I'm handling it pretty well in my opinion........until Sun night.
We had dinner with some friends and in their effort to make Liz more comfortable with the pregnancy and giving birth, they painted this lovely picture of how it's the most wonderful experience a woman can ever have and how the act of giving birth will change your life and on and on and on. One of the women actually gave birth to her son with her previous partner who is now separated from her. Her son, whom the other woman raised as her own from birth to 6 years of age doesn't get to see his other mother and I have yet to even hear them refer to her as that. We were talking about it and Liz mentioned that (God forbid) if anything should happen between us that she would want us to share custody, but would want the baby to live with me as I would be more of the 'motherly' figure. This woman looked right at her and told her she would feel differently after she gives birth.
I left feeling so sad and cheated! I know they meant well, but I feel as though they were a bit insensitive.
Am I just being too sensitive? It's been known to happen.
9 comments:
I don't think you're being too sensitive. It's really annoying when people aren't sensitive to your situation. And I don't think the friend was fair in making that statement. That's messed that she doesn't share custody with her ex.
You are absolutely not sensitive. Not in the slightest. I know exactly how you feel.
Although I do not have any advice for you. I prefer the mirror method, if someone say rude things to me, I say rude things back. Probably not the smartest thing, but it shuts them up and I have never heard it from them again.
Like I said, not the best of behaviour, but I have to be strong for my son. I have to prove myself as his mother to society everyday.
I am so sorry that she made you feel so sad. That was wrong of her.
You will both be changed when the baby comes....birth mother or not.
It is an amazing experience for both of you.....and neither of you will ever be the same.
As far as custody.....that's too bad for your friend. I hope that we can all think of the kids and not who PHYSICALLY gave birth gets him/her.
No you are not being overly sensitive, she was being incredibly unsensitive. And I think it's horrible when one parent excludes another regardless of sex or anything else unless it's harmfull to the child. Sounds like she needs to get her priorities straight.
You are absolutely not too sensitive, especially in light of what we see happening on the NW board with palmerwomen. It breaks my heart, and would make me horribly scared to not be the "carrying" partner. I'm sure you and Liz have had lengthy discussions about it, and she already has it in her head that "if something should happen" she thinks you are more likely to be the nurturer. I get the feeling that she sees herself almost as a surrogate. My guess is that you will probably take over most of the baby care duties when your child is born. That is just the impression I get, I could be sooo wrong though. Don't be afraid to tell me if I am.
Supermom.......you are so right. I know Liz will definitely see herself as a mom, but not the nurturing mom. She has been known to refer to herself as 'not the mama' from the TV show, Dinosaurs. She will be an awesome parent, but when it comes to the baby stuff, it will be me and I will love it that way. I have even thought of trying to breastfeed, but we're not sure yet.
You have a right to be upset... that would have not come across very well with me either. It doesn't hurt to have legal paperword drawn up though, just to PROTECT everyone involved. I am sure you already know that though.... I know you girls will be just fine and find your roles once the little one is here. Keep your chin up... sorry your friends were insensitive.
If you can find a way to breastfeed, I would do it. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. It will be difficult, but I have heard it can be done. Also know that if for some reason you can't and Liz doesn't want to feed or pump, formula fed babies, are just as healthy, and bond just as well with their parents. What you put in their tummies is not the biggest part of parenting. I think you gals are on the way to figuring out all the other stuff. Good luck!!
SJayneI, if you want to breastfeed, look into getting started now as it takes a while. Some do 6 months of birth control pills with domperidone. Hard process but it can be done. My partner tried to but couldn't produce milk. :( I couldn't get the baby to latch so she has only been bottle fed.
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