I've put off posting this in order to protect my family and so that you guys don't think we are all a bunch of nut jobs! But, I need an outlet. I've posted on here before about my Grandmother (my Mother's mother) here and here. Anyway, she has gone too far now. Here's the scoop:
Two days after my Mothers funeral, my sisters, my step-father, Grandmother and I were going through some of her things. We found her journal, which had a list in the back stating that she wanted me to have her Grandmothers (my Great-Grandmothers) wedding ring that my Grandmother had given to her and that she wanted my sister to have an oil painting that my Great-Uncle had made of my Mother as a baby. As soon as we read the list, my Grandmother stated, "Those things are mine and I want them back." My step-father stated that he was not going to discuss that. He then gave the items to myself and my sister respectively.
Anyway, that was back in November. She has not mentioned these items to me since, but she repeatedly asked my sister and step-father for them. She finally figured out that we were not giving them back.
A few weeks ago, I received a call from my uncles wife, Shar. She stated that she had called an attorney at Grandmother's request to see if she has a case for getting the ring and picture back. Apparently, she does since the items are specifically mentioned in her will (probably going to my Mother).
So, after a few calls back and forth with my Grandmother regarding the ring ( in which she called both my Mother and step-father liars and said they stole the ring), we came to an understanding of sorts. I agreed to give her the ring (the only value it had was that my Mother wanted me to have it, anyway) and she agreed to seek counsel with her pastor to figure out a way to mend the BIG RIP this has caused (my sisters and step-father refuse to speak with her). I asked her to allow me a few weeks to get it to her. She agreed. This was last Monday.
Today, a private investigator came to my house on her behalf to get the ring from me. He said that Grandmother had hired him since I refuse to return her belongings and that the next step would be a lawsuit. (I'm still not beleiving this as I type it!!!) I told him that I was not interested in handing over a family heirloom to a complete stranger and advised him to tell her that Liz would bring it to her house on her way to or from work tomorrow (Liz works in the town she lives in). I also asked him to let her know the high price she has paid for that ring (my sister had already given her the picture back). I also advised him to let her know that she has negated all positive feelings surrounding the ring. I would have treasured it and handed it down to a niece or daughter, but now it will end up in the trash or a garage sale when she passes.
Ok.......that's that........what do you think? Was I wrong to take the ring in the first place? Can you see any way for me to get over the hurt and maintain a relationship with her?
10 comments:
I don't think you were wrong in any way. Did your mother leave anything to your grandmother? Perhaps she feels miffed that she was not given anything.
I cannot believe the lengths she went through.
Also, speaking from someone of a similar situation- don't believe a lot of what lawyers or PI's say. They will say anything to get what they want sooner before a court case (less fees and more money in their pocket!)
Your family sounds a bit like mine. I would have to say that you were 100% right to have the ring and your sister the painting. They came to be in your mothers possession, most likely from her mother any way. I would like to say that she is just grieving the loss of her daughter, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I would have handled it in a very similar way. Just knowing that your mother was thinking of you as she wrote that list will be enough. I agree that it would be hard to ever have that ring now without the thought of it being tarnished. It really is too bad that she chose to alienate you and your sister this way. Some day she will regret it. I would have a very hard time maintaining a relationship at this point. She does not seem to value you thoughts and feelings.
OMG! I can't believe she would act like that. Sorry, but I'm a grudge carrier and I would in now way continue a relationship with her until she apologized and proved herself to me. Sorry you had to go through this.
I don't think anything was really left to my Grandmother, but I think her list was just started because my sister and I were the only ones mentioned. She didn't mention the other sister or brother or her husband either...for that list anyway. She left messages for everyone. She knew it was just a matter of time. I really, really miss her!
I'm so sorry this is happening. Granny sounds like a total piece of work. No, you weren't wrong to have the ring or your sister to have the painting. Yes now those items are "tarnished" with the drama that went along with them. I would have probably done the same thing you did and I would cut off any and all remaining ties with this woman. She is toxic and not the type of person you need in your life.
I think you did the right thing on both accounts. The ring was given to you by your mother.
Your grandmother is OBVIOUSLY dealing with some inner demonds :) and you were the bigger person and gave it back.
I'm sorry that it had to happen. I doubt she will ever come to her senses. The important thing is to keep the memories and love from your mother with you.
Sounds like you have handled yourself well. Good job not freaking out completely! I hope that you were able to keep something that is precious to you, as a memorable thing from your Mom. It is too bad your Grandma is putting so much weight on those items and not her relationships w/you. ((((hugs)))) Tara
Sorry this is all going on. Sorry I have been away for a bit. I hope this all works out for you. No I don't think you were wrong at all!
am sorry that you have to go through that...
You didnt do anything wrong. You did what you have to do... Remember your mom is proud of you and always in your heart :o)
omg! that is horrible. I think I would be really, really angry. Families can be so petty, childish and idiotic sometimes.
I can't believe she'd go that far to destroy family relations. She has not only lost a daughter but her grandchildren as well. :(
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